The definition of the word grieving by dictionary.com is to show suffering caused by sorrow. It implies deep mental suffering often endured alone and in silence. Another definition found at blog.griefrecoverymethod.com: Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. Grief is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder.
My heart wants to stand on a mountaintop and shout this to the world: to grief is normal; to grieve is a natural response; to grieve is necessary. It is how God created us. I came to realize that people who grieve is misunderstood, alone and mostly deserted in society. I often wonder why many people will keep this intense sorrow for themselves and why it is so difficult for loved ones to support this process and even encourage it. I believe so many people don’t feel safe expressing deep and painful emotions because it is seldom accepted. We are encouraged to “get over it” quickly and to focus on other aspects of our lives. We are encouraged to be grateful for what we do have and that our loved one(s) is in a better place. Other people will try their best to distract us and to take away the sadness. Is it because they care and love, or is it because they are uncomfortable with pain? I read a blog of another lady earlier in the week that wrote about one of Jesus’ last gestures before he died on the cross. John 19: 26: “So Jesus, seeing His mother there and the disciple whom he loved standing near, said to His mother: Dear woman, see here is your son. Then He said to the disciple, see here is your mother. And from that hour, the disciple took her into his own.” Why did Jesus do this? He wanted to make sure his mother was taken care of. If one look at it from a grieving point of view, He was concerned for his mother and his friend who would be saddened by His death. He knew they would suffer and wanted to make sure they will support one another. It is so comforting to know that Jesus who was fully God and fully man, showed emotion. He was sad, He grieved, He was disappointed, He was angry, He felt betrayed. In the garden of Gethsemane, “Jesus began to show grief and distress of mind and was deeply depressed”. He even said to His disciples: “My soul is very sad and deeply grieved, so that I am almost dying of sorrow”. It saddens me that His disciples failed to support Him during this crucial time, they failed to stay awake to pray. (Matthew 26:36) This should be a comfort to all who grieves, that Jesus understands. He was there. He was alone, misunderstood. And it is ok to be there; we should be there after a trauma or loss. We should mourn, we should be sad even if we are doing it alone. How did Jesus handle grief? When Jesus saw Mary and the Jews sobbing after Lazarus’ death, the scripture says that He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. And Jesus wept. (John 11:33) Isn’t this confirmation that God is saddened by our pain even though He sees the bigger picture of Him overcoming death. It is also an indication that it is ok to grieve. It is ok to cry. After Jesus heard the news about John the Baptist who has passed away, He got on a boat and went to a desolated place. He wanted to spend time alone thinking, praying, processing. He did not run away from the grief, he went into the grief. (Matthew 14:13) He wanted to be in the moment, in the emotion. To do that properly we need to isolate ourselves for some time. We need to schedule time for grieving. But Jesus was soon interrupted by people, a crowd and He had compassion on them. Although He is grieving the loss of a friend, His grief empowers Him for ministry. In the midst of his emotional pain He turned outward instead of inward. He chooses to use the pain and help others. I believe God has told me to use my grief for ministry and because God doesn’t have favourites, I believe he wants all of us who grieves, to use our pain to minister to others. Each of us at our own time, in our own sphere of influence. Where there is great pain and sorrow, there is great love. We must just learn to take that love and use it constructively. So how should we mourn? 1 Thessalonians 4:13 says we should not grieve as others do who have no hope. This means when we mourn, we must always do it with hope. Hope in what? Hope in Jesus, believing He will comfort us and make us stronger, believing in His perfect work on the cross, believing in life after death. In John 11:25-26 Jesus said: I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in, trust in and relies on Me, although he may die, yet he shall live. Another important part of grief is expressing it to God. So many psalms encourage us to pour out our hearts towards God but it always includes praise. (Psalm 13, Psalm 56) Although we may not feel like praising God, it will help us in our grief to praise God in-between our calling out to Him. I also believe we should share our grieve with others. “mourn with those who mourn” – Romans 12:15. We were not made to live in isolation. Periods of solitude should be balanced with periods of interaction with others, especially others who is also in pain, who also suffers from loss. The best encouragement comes from a place of healed brokenness. We are much more believable and sincere if we have been through an experience ourselves. We can relate to each other much more if we walked a similar path. So it is my cry, do not be hard on yourself, you who are mourning. Allow your heart to feel what it needs to be feeling. Trust your Creator to restore you to become a much stronger and complete being through this journey. Lean into your pain, work through it. Call out to God. Give yourself space and time. Seek others who can support you and whom you can give support. And most importantly ask God how He can use your pain for others. If you allow Him, He will always create something beautiful from your pain.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorNanki Robbertse Archives
December 2017
Categories |